I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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