then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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