the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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