so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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