Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
