the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
