It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
