he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
