ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
