I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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