He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
