just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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