everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
