Are we in a gay sports bar?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
