3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
