the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
