i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
