My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
