We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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