I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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