we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize