I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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