Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
