i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
