it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
