My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize