omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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