So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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