if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
