Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
