if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
