listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
