so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
