People in love make me want to vomit
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
