I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
