My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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