well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
