dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
