Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
