roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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