I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
