He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
