the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
