i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
