I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
