Can Purell be used as lube?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
