why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
