My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
