my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize