OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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