i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
