Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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