I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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