i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
