I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
