Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize