did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
