You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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