I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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