Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think weed is turning my hair brown
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
