Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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