If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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