My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
