Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
