You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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