Pregnant stripper...not hot.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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