Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
