i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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