this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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