ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize