That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
