Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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