Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
