Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
