She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
