I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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