he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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