Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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