i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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