I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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