She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
