Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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