omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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