Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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