If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As shirtless as possible
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
