dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sorry about my life...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
