Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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