i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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