I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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