He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
