In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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