Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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