There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
