There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
