I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
