Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
