I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
