new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
