totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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