Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
